Since I’ve moved to Cleveland, I have had a horrific and re-occurring dream about my dog being murdered. The scene is always set in my parents’ home, where my dog is poisoned. However, specific details progressed with each following dream. The most recent dream, my dog was killed because he drank from a water bowl poisoned with antifreeze. Can you imagine what it would feel like to have a re-occurring dream about your dog’s murder? I feel a spectrum of negative emotions each time I awake, and the one that stands out the most for me is fear. As this dream is now paralyzing me and my ability to travel, I have to use this blog as a means to examine the underlying implications of this dream. I want to know “what does this dream mean?” and “why is this dream re-occurring?”. Most importantly I want to condemn, refute, and forsake fear driven by this dream.
Condemnation of this dream starts by a close examination of the likelihood it will happen in reality. A person who is able to intentionally poison my Leopold to death, must be overwhelmingly evil in some way. I mean we all have dark and light within, but to kill an innocent animal filled with love, a person has to have more than a little bit of dark. They have to be consumed by hate. That person must be able to enjoy the painful death of an innocent animal without remorse, and be comfortable causing my parents’ hearts to break, along with the potential consequences. For example, I am certain that my father will have another heart attack if his ‘buddy’, my Leo, dies. That person would also have to be someone who would relish in my own emotional turmoil, with no guarantee that it would lead to my demise. There is no one in my life that I know who would be comfortable with causing so much pain to me or my family, and definitely not anyone who has access to Leopold. Whether you like me or not, I cannot think of a single person that would want to cause severe physical and emotional harm to my parents. As such, we can safely conclude that it is improbable this dream will actually occur in reality. Therefore, Leopold is safe. Now it’s time for me to apply Freudian dream analysis to myself. In other words, I must figure out why I am being plagued by such a horrible dream, and additionally why isn’t my sweet teeny tiny miniature kitty being targeted within in it. If someone really wanted to hurt me through my animals, Lola could just be as easily be murdered as Leo. However, Lola is never harmed in any of my dreams. To understand the cause of these dreams, I must examine the difference between Leo and Lola. The major difference between the two is that Lola does not prohibit my ability to travel. She can travel with me to visit family and friends in Europe. She can come with me to Hawaii, Vancouver, New Mexico, Thailand, Iceland, Morocco, Singapore, India, Athens (in Georgia and Greece) and more. No airline has a travel ban on a miniature and delicate kitty. I don’t have to be separated from her. However, most airlines ban pit bulls. Additionally, countries like Italy, require that dogs undergo a personality test upon entering their country. My lively Leo would definitely fail a personality test after being locked up on the bottom of a plane without me, for any amount of hours. Because of this dream, I am afraid to go visit my family in Italy, my friends in Germany, and take random cheap Groupon trips around the world. Or, and this is more likely the case, am I having these dreams because deep down inside I’m afraid to travel, which would inevitably lead to me falling in love? I think it’s pretty obvious if you read this blog that life has profusely hurt me. I know that is true for everyone, and we all manifest our hurt differently. In many ways I drank antifreeze, died, and became a social work professor. Any death is a simple transformation of one type of matter into another; I wouldn’t call my transformation bad by any means. The aftermath of my transformation made me afraid to live love. I am afraid to outburst life with my future man in ancient ruins, the jungles, or Copenhagen. I know that sounds silly, but it’s true. Although part of me really wants to fall in love, get married (with a gorgeous gown from BHLDN probably), and have children…I’m scared to drink antifreeze and die again. I know it’s only a transformation, but I am sick of getting hurt. For once, I would like to symbolically die from natural causes. However, dating/falling in love doesn’t work that way. I need to be willing to take a risk, which would require me to travel. What I mean, is for me to meet a compatible man, I need to start traveling. It takes me around two minutes or less to charm or be charmed by European men. Maybe European men are just better at communicating how charmed they are with me, and to be fair, I’m always extra lively and more open in Europe. When I say that I am more open, I simply mean that I am actually willing to have a conversation, instead of keeping my head in a book or computer. I just wanted to clarify so people don’t get wrong impressions about me. Because to be honest, I haven’t met a living man I like better than Mac, or Neil McNeil, or Gilbert Blythe, or Mr. Darcy. What I do know is that I need to travel to open doors to potential suitors. I need to open up the way I do with guys in Europe, practice that side of me, and keep me open if I’m ever going to wear my elaborate wedding dress, without having to throw a wedding for myself to marry myself. In all serious, I really want to meet my companion, a soulmate, and the love of my life. I am genuinely afraid to travel. I am afraid to fall in love, and most of all I am afraid of death. I’m afraid to experience the death of what I love, even if it is just a transformation. This fear has manifested as a horrific and reoccurring dream about my Leopold. So what does this dream mean for me? What does my dream mean for people reading this blog? What does this dream mean for social work? What are the grander implications of this dream? It means that we must closely examine the impact fear has on our lives, not our dreams, bur our lives. After a close examination, condemn fear. Refute or forsake fear, but never exonerate it. Furthermore, do not allow fear to frame your life. Trust me, when fear rules, life is lonely. Right here and now, let us collectively fight fear. It has no place in my life or yours.
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