I remember vividly, more than most memories, the first time my nephew taught me how to celebrate life. I was sitting on my sister’s stone steps, cradling a new born Michael, on a windy warm summer night. There was a full moon that illuminated my nephew’s adorable face. I stared into his deep sea blue eyes as he grasped each of his tiny fingers, around one of mine. In that moment, I felt my hardened heart, swell serenely with love. The spectrum of human emotions, encompassed me as my new nephew, made me realize that it is okay to feel. It was like my heart, his heart, and the heart of something grander were all beating synchronously together. Without saying a single word, Michael taught me how to really celebrate life. Thank you!
I believe that my nephew’s purpose, is to teach others how to celebrate life; and he has been doing that very thing the whole 16 years of his existence in so many ways. I am writing this blog to celebrate my nephew, and with him, for getting his first leading role as the man in the chair in the play, The Drowsy Chaperone. I know that this is his first leading role, because he is destined to lead in others, no matter what direction he chooses to take in life, whether that be theater or otherwise. However, his many talents perfectly translate into captivating performances, both on and off the stage. Same as when he was a newborn, a simple gaze from Michael can be uplifting in a transformative manner. This is true when he is being serious or silly. He sets examples of how to be selfless through entertainment. He has a tenor-toned singing voice. He sings so that it stings in a good way. He plays the drums- the sounds, the rhythm, the beats, the sonar movement are his- Michael’s music. Michael can act. He can make you laugh through his theatrical performances and absurd antics. I bet if he was in a drama, he would make you cry and release. It only takes a gaze from him. I imagine Michael going to Cleveland State University, performing in Playhouse Square, and taking acting classes on Coventry Road. I believe in him so much and I do want to watch his skills grow and develop him into an impactful person. I know if the world gave him a forum, he would teach everyone how to celebrate life, by inspiring people to want to feel. However, this is his life for the choosing, and I know that choice needs to resonate with him. Whatever he decides to do, he will be playing the leading role. I love you Michael! Congratulation on your FIRST leading role! Love, Zia
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This is dedicated to Father Gentile
I can’t remember the names of streets I frequently drove on in Athens, Georgia. I was speaking with one of my dearest friends, Leslie, the other day and I realized I’m starting to let go of Athens. Not the people or particular places (UGA, Ben Burton Park, my former street, Rubber Soul, The Grit), but the aesthetic of Athens in general. Unsurprising, I remember every road surrounding the University of Pittsburgh in Oakland, and honestly most roads I drove on in Pittsburgh. This realization brought me back to the homily Father Gentile gave on Christmas Eve. Father Gentile has been my priest for as long as I can remember, and I am very blessed and honored to have this man as a life-time friend and religious guide. Each Christmas Eve, luminaries adorn each side of the curvy streets leading to Lewin Lane and St. John Fisher Parish, the church that taught me how to believe. Like all years past, these lights brought me both awe and comfort. Unlike previous years, I was feeling very out of place in Pittsburgh and missing Athens until I arrived at mass. Even with the newly painted and stunning murals on the walls, every aspect of this building is both familiar and homey to me. Father Gentile reiterated this sense of home in his homily, which I felt like was directed at me. What he said resonated deeply with me- that people, like trees are rooted and have roots; the roots of trees, like the people in our lives, help sustain us. Unlike trees, people can create roots in a variety of places, and we leave those roots wherever we lived. Images of my Pittsburgh roots came swarming in- St. John Fisher, The Cathedral of Learning (Forbes and Fifth), The University of Pittsburgh in general (friends Vicky and Liz), Yap Inc.’s office (26 Terminal Way off of East Carson Street), my yoga studios (East Carson Street; Penn Ave.), Woodland Hills High School (Greensburg Pike), my neighborhood and all of the Italians that live there, memories of my MSW program/my friends (my very first social work roots), and most importantly my family. I really love my family. I also started thinking about Cosenza and Ivrea, my two hometowns in Italy. I felt my Italian roots grounded in family, friends, the church where my parents were married, La Bella Dormiente, and beautiful landscapes I could never accurately describe. I have multiple homes. In that space, during Father Gentile’s homily, I realized that I grew up in Pittsburgh, but I became a grownup in Athens. I also came to understand that Pittsburgh, Italy, and Athens will always be homes to me, as I became rooted in these places. However, like trees, I shed my leaves and let go of things in these homes that no longer serve me. This a natural process of maturation that occurs for trees and people. We have seasons when we need to let go, be purified by snow, and then regrow; sometimes more vibrant than ever before. I started feeling my roots in Cleveland and named streets. I realized that I was forgetting what I don't need from Athens, which is then being replaced here in Cleveland. Instead of feeling removed, I felt both acutely and chronically connected to Pittsburgh, Italy, Athens, and Cleveland. I realized that we can let go of pieces, while maintaining our roots, just like trees. I think it is important to recognize that letting go of a place or person or thing, doesn’t mean we lose our roots. Letting go is such a difficult task for many of us because we get comfortable. What if trees chose to remain comfortable? We would never see new leaves. That would be a shame. It’s okay to let go and feel a connection to the things we are moving on from. Everything that has come across our paths, good or bad, served to mold who we are and what we do. It’s also okay to branch away from other trees and do what resonates most with you. For example, I honestly don’t think I would be the adamant Catholic I am had Father Gentile not been my priest. This wonderful person, never once preached about divides, hate, or attached judgement to any person in his homilies or otherwise. What I learned from Father Gentile was to try to love everybody the way that God loves me. I learned to carry my crosses bravely, the way that Jesus did that for me. I learned that a life dictated by greed would lead to a lonely life without love and filled with misery. I learned to be charitable. I learned to refrain from judgement of any human being and how to be accepting. I learned to treat others with kindness, keeping in mind the passage: "What you do to the least of people, you do unto God"; truly I try my best to be kind to everyone because I believe God is present in all people. I learned how to be forgiving. I learned differences between cultures and people are normal, which he demonstrates visually at Easter through all the different breads people across the world eat. I learned moderation. I learned to stay committed to God's causes. I learned not to let television or technology taint my mind. I learned self-respect. I learned my faith and how to believe in it, from Father Gentile. I learned a lot. He told me once to accept my fiery nature and direct it toward good causes. I learned not to hate what blazes inside and take his advice, until the day I die. In closing, I want to thank Father Gentile, for all that he taught me. I love you Father! Now I know and feel blessed to have so many homes. Tis the time of the year when most people are working on or toward the resolutions they made on New Year’s Eve. Some people keep their resolutions all year long, while most I would say, lose their resolve around February. This year I decided to view my New Year’s resolutions as investments instead, hoping that the shift in perspective would carry me into 2019. These ‘investments’, indeed are commitments I know will result in personal and professional gains.
For example, my first New Year’s investment regarded my physical health. I’m ashamed to admit this, but honestly I don’t think that I have gone a full year without smoking at least one cigarette since 1997. I know this fact might seem alarming, and I have reasons that just feel like excuses at this point. I decided that it was time to fully invest in my physical health and not smoke a single cigarette in 2018. I feel like this is a realistic investment since I haven’t had one in over four months. Additionally, my smoking habits the past decade have been intermittent. There are more smoke-free days than there were days when I smoked. I’m finally ready to commit myself to never smoking another cigarette. I am invested in my physical health. I also decided to invest in gratitude. Quite frankly, I think that sometimes we get pulled into negative thinking about our lives, without realizing how good we have it. These processes are self-centered forms of self-destructive sabotage. I’ve been starting and ending my days saying thank you for all my blessings. This investment has transformed how I view my life, the relationships I have, and the ones I hope to build. It is slowly helping me move from contentment or resentment to a place where I will eventually feel comfortable being happy. I know right now, it’s just making me sit back and be inspired by all people and my surroundings. I decided to invest in my writing at least once a week. It’s no secret that I must publish to get tenure, nor is it a secret that I enjoy writing. I get to express my thoughts openly when I write. I am graced with the opportunity to use writing as forum for social change, not simply with this blog, but with research and poetry. This is gratifying in many ways. When I write, I find me. A reflection of a flawed being is revealed, but it’s an authentic me who for that fraction of time, I wouldn’t change. I don’t know exactly where this investment will take me other than up, professionally and personally. I invest fully in expressing myself through writing for my own betterment and the betterment of others. Finally, I decided to invest in dating this year and it’s a lot more challenging for me than most people would imagine. The truth is I want to fall in love with someone who is equally in love with me. However, I’m not very good at the dating thing. If I listed every issue I have with dating, I would certainly scare away every suitor. Plus, I know these are things I need to come to terms with personally. One I will say, is that dating is scary for a lot of reasons. However, in the long-run it would be nice to have a companion. I want to create my own traditional family and I need to invest in dating for that to happen. I really want these two children who I’ve named and imagined in my head; I want my imagined husband too. I’m really going to try this whole year to date, so at minimum there's a chance at having my perfectly imperfect family. I thought my approach to New Year’s Resolutions might be beneficial if I share them with all of you. Thinking about these commitments as investments, made me reflect carefully on my decisions. It also caused me to identify the gains associated with these investments, which has seemed to already help with motivation. What ways can you invest in you in 2018? |
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