I wish I had different news to write about.
I wish that wild fires were consuming Trump’s toupee instead of California and its people our people in Puerto Rico, Texas, Nevada, California some dead Most crawling, crying, calling, colliding with what’s left. Like the children’s song, Ashes Ashes and we all fall down. Most of us have all fallen down in the United States. People our people wandering in misfortune mazes designed by the fortune 500. The villains always lose in the movies, except for tales of horror. This week, healthcare was slashed by the butcher’s (Trump) blade. Harvey Weinsten, strangled women and their rights with a manila rope. Those that won’t be named, the richest people in the world, placing the rest of us in torture chambers, pulling our limbs shattering bones for a few more million dollars. Mother Nature ablaze in horror. Are we in a horror film? No, we are in a four-year scene of a grotesque film, like World War II. Hitler killed himself, not out of remorse, but because he knew the Americans were coming. He was a chicken. People our people, we will come and we will rebuild, repair, resolve, revive. People our people are prevailing phoenixes. We rise from the ashes.
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A few days ago, shortly after my 17yo niece told me that she has decided to go to Kent State University, I have been thinking more and more about the Bill Cosby ruling. I am fully aware that it’s very late to talk about Bill Cosby’s mistrial, my opinion, its message and implications; however, news that my niece might be attending a huge university has had me really worried about her safety. This is not a critique of Kent State, and I’m certain that this particular University does its very best to keep all students, including young women safe. However, no matter how hard a University tries to ensure safety “Boys will be boys”, so they say. To compound this reality, my niece is gorgeous inside and out, while also being wonderfully oblivious to how marvelous she is. I know I worry too much, especially because she tends to make positive decisions, while also being highly smart and creative. I actually became super excited, and still am, over the possibility of my niece living so close to me. I decided yesterday everything would be fine and I wasn’t going to write this blog even though I had it in mind, until this evening when I had the most unpleasant experience at dinner.
So let me tell you what happened at dinner and how this relates to Bill Cosby and my niece. I’ve become a regular at a taco place near my home, because they have vegan tacos that are cheap during happy hour. I always sit at the bar, reading a book and eating chips while I wait for my food. Sometimes I will get one glass of wine and other times, like tonight, I will drink water. Unlike most nights, first one and then a second man, would not leave me alone to read, let alone eat my food. As the first man waited for his friend, he kept interrupting my reading and even patted my arm. I politely tried to return to my book a few times, but this guy isn’t getting the message, and kept talking to me. Not that clothes or things like that matter, but so y’all know, I’m wearing really baggy yoga clothes (not leggings and never ever do I wear spandex), my hair is a mess because I came from yoga, and all of my makeup is worn off from this morning. Even if I was wearing my cotton leggings instead of baggy pants, it’s still no reason to bother me. I should be able to sit at the bar so I can get my happy hour special, and read a book without being bothered. I even tell the first guy I’m a professor, hoping this will cause him to let me read. Unfortunately, that didn’t work. Then his friend arrives and they sandwich themselves around me. My eyes are imploring the bartender to help me as soon as this happens, she comes over and asks, “Are you okay?” The second gentleman responds “yes” as he taps my arm. At this point I said, "I really hate being touched, I feel uncomfortable, and I’m going to flip if I get touched again”, clearing indicating that I was not okay. She tells them she is moving my seat and I move, finally getting the personal space I needed, so I thought. These two gentleman decided that they weren’t done with me yet and again offered to buy me a drink, which I declined again for the third time. They were also hitting on me too, while I’m trying to read, and I just want to be left alone. I hate the word “hot” almost as much as I hate being called hot and then so add that as a descriptor of me, a nerd, who informed you that I am professor, is just beyond comprehension to me. At this point, the men get offended that I keep declining their advances, and decide that they are going kick the legs of my bar stool causing it to tip and me to fall while my nose is stuck in my book; my attention is again diverted away from my book and back onto them. At this point, my food finally arrives, and I had to ask for it be packed up. I also had to stand while I waited, to avoid having my bar stool be tipped. While I am standing and waiting, the first gentleman had the nerve to try to give me his business card. I said, “No thank you.” He then said, “I didn’t do anything wrong.” I’m not sure who he was trying to convince, me or him. I replied, “I was reading a book and trying to get dinner. Now I am pissed and have to take my food home. The next time a woman is reading a book, you should leave her alone,” while silently reviewing the numerous verbal and non-verbal cues I gave him to do just that. The bartender was clearly mad for me, like I said I’m a regular, but she couldn’t do anything because then they wouldn’t tip her. I have my own employment obligations. I’m hyper aware of my need to be responsible, professional, and respectable now that I am a professor, so I tried to reply to these men in a way that would allow me to leave with my food and not cause a scene. I even went so far as to point to my bracelet-like swatch watch, and tell the busboy checking on me that it’s getting late and that’s why I needed my food to go. However, now that I’m home I feel like I didn’t have a choice but to write this blog, because in a way I gave these guilty men, a mistrial. I should have said, “What you did to me was wrong. You had no right to continuously bother me.” I should have given them a guilty verdict and I didn’t, same as Bill Cosby’s jury. When we fail to tell boys or men that they are misbehaving toward girls and women, we are perpetuating the sort of treatment I experienced tonight. When Bill Cosby’s jury decided not to give him a guilty verdict, we permitted men across the United States to mistreat women. This isn’t a new concept, boys and men find all sorts of reasons to simply not take “no” as the answer. In my opinion, Bill Cosby’s trial actually glamorized sexual assault, because he faced no real repercussions for his crimes against multiple women. I mean at least we women are no longer considered property most of the time, but seriously how far have we come as a society? I mean to be fair we have come far, if I’m thinking rationally and not emotionally. I am still a little angry. Some college campuses try to address and resolve these sorts of issues. I know here at Cleveland State University, each new faculty member receives Title IX training and we are encouraged to be responsible employees, by reporting any suspected incidents of mistreatment caused by a student's sexual identity or gender. We have two Title IX employees and a care coordinator to protect and assist students. Additionally, we also have campus police constantly patrolling our campus. We even have a Viking App that immediately alerts police if someone is in danger and gives them a location, with a simple touch of a phone screen. To be honest, the fact that Bill Cosby even went to trial, is progress. There was a time, he would have received a slap on the hand, or he would have been told “Well done”. Right now, or at least soon, there is an opportunity for a jury to make a real difference in how society views and treats women. Bill Cosby’s future jury can send the message that real men do not target, harass, intoxicate, or assault girls or women. By giving Bill Cosby a guilty verdict, we are condemning aggressive acts against women. I believe there is a lot riding of this verdict… because if he receives a non-guilty verdict or another mistrial we are popularizing bad treatment of women. Enough is enough. I know I’ve had enough. However, after writing this blog and knowing my niece, I’m not worried about her safety at Kent State. In reality, as I wrote in a previous blog, nowhere is safe anymore. My niece is really talented, smart, and creative. I know that she will surround herself with positive people who will help to keep her safe. She is also a very grounded and inspirational individual. Certainly she can and will stand up for herself, just like me, when necessary. Without a doubt, Kent State’s School of Fashion Design and Merchandising will be lucky to have her. I mean, my niece is fashionable and even tells me the latest fashion trends. I am 100% cooler and more stylish since my niece became a teenager, than I ever was before. At this moment, she is creating a huge painting for me of the different moon cycles. I just glanced at the painting she made me for my recent graduation; it’s beautiful. I might not be confident in the world, but I am confident in her. In closing, I believe that we need to change as a society so that we are not placing unfair burden on girls and young women, like my niece. It is time for us to give men like Bill Cosby, a guilty verdict. It is not glamorous or cool to target, harass, intoxicate, and/or assault girls or women. It is not right to treat us this way; indeed, it is very wrong. When you think about it, the most revered, loved and sought-after men, never treated women this way. They never had to. Let’s take Frank Sinatra or LeBron James as examples. I mean during his time, men wanted to be Frank Sinatra and every woman wanted him. In our time, here in Cleveland, LeBron’s positive presence is everywhere. He is in the Boys and Girls Club or in low-income neighborhoods trying to revitalize Cleveland, when he’s not playing basketball. LeBron is so loved in Cleveland by everyone, because he’s cool and he cares. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we need to start teaching our boys how to be gentlemen, because my niece and women in general, need men like that to be our examples, not Bill Cosby. Seriously guys, here's some good advice, being a gentleman never goes out of style. “What can we do to help the world heal?”, was a question asked to me by a radio show host, before she informed me that Tom Petty had died. It’s too hard for me to describe how I felt yesterday and today, overwhelmed by so much sad news and grateful for the physical/emotional/mental numbness I’m feeling due to influenza. I will say that I feel like an era, or a particular form of existence has died. I’m not sure if this is simply specific to my life, or if this is indicative to how most people right now. After all, such heart-breaking events affect everyone (hurricanes, a massacre, the death of a music legend), no matter where they reside. Inevitably we must all now face uncomfortable change, as it always follows death. I agree with the radio host that now is a time for healing, something that must also occur after devastation. What choice do we have after continuously experiencing tragedy after tragedy these past few weeks? We are now looking at life through new eyes, no longer able to uphold the belief that our world is a safe place. I’ve known for a long time, that our world can be dangerous at times; however, I continued to gaze at the world as if I was still a child, forever playing hide and seek, until yesterday. This realization, that I’m a full-fledged adult who is required to see, think, and act like an adult, is daunting to me. Maybe that’s the beginning of my healing, which is really what this blog is all about. How do we help the world heal after death and devastation? It’s hard for me to answer this question, although logic will tell us that there is an answer to every question, even if that answer is “I don’t know.” Part of me does know, that healing is listening intently to ourselves and others. Part of me knows that healing requires us to lovingly let go of what was lost. I also know that we people have to move on from these tragedies. To help us heal, I close with lyrics from a Tom Petty song. I also want to dedicate this blog to Tom Petty, his loving memory, and his influence on my life for as long as I can remember. I also send my sincerest sympathies to everyone that was hurt by the hurricanes and yesterday’s massacre. What can we do to help each other heal? "Time To Move On" It's time to move on, time to get going What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing But under my feet, baby, grass is growing It's time to move on, it's time to get going Broken skyline, movin' through the airport She's an honest defector Conscientious objector Now her own protector Broken skyline, which way to love land Which way to something better Which way to forgiveness Which way do I go Time to move on, time to get going What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing But under my feet, baby, grass is growing It's time to move on, it's time to get going Sometime later, getting the words wrong Wasting the meaning and losing the rhyme Nauseous adrenaline Like breakin' up a dogfight Like a deer in the headlights Frozen in real time I'm losing my mind It's time to move on, time to get going What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing But under my feet, baby, grass is growing It's time to move on, it's time to get going |
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