,What right do I have to judge you? What right do you have to judge me? What right does anyone have to judge any other living being? None. No one has the right to judge.
This is true even for a judge, who simply assesses a variety of court documents, testimonies, and expert witness statements before determining consequences to a single action, or series of actions that are deemed illegal by society. In other words, a judge makes conclusions based on knowledge presented rather than simply judging defendants. The same is true for child protective service caseworkers who enter a home based on an often anonymous tip. Those same social workers must assess the home environment, elicit information about family functioning, and then draw conclusions leading to action steps, while keeping in mind what is best for the children involved. In order for a judge or social worker to adequately do their jobs, they must refrain from judgement. In other words, they are drawing unbiased conclusions, again without their personal biases that would otherwise prevent them from being effective at their jobs. Webster’s dictionary defines judgement as asserting an opinion or belief. Admittedly, judgement has at least six definitions, but this particular one is worth challenging because it is wrong to impose a personal opinion or belief on another human being regardless of their class, race, gender, sexual orientation/identity, living arrangements, education and a series of other conditions. As a social worker, my educators, mentors, trainers, supervisors, colleagues and students all rooted and confirmed my understanding of a strengths-based approach when interacting with others. This means every time I meet anyone, I look for their strengths, qualities, ambitions, interests, abilities, and talents before all else. As an educator, I attempt to amplify a strengths-based approach since I am now vicariously practicing through my students. That means I encourage them to constantly look for the good in their clients and to base their services and targeted interventions on the basis of clients' strengths. Countless times as a practitioner, I noticed that an emphasis on strengths and normalizing people’s problems empowers people to help themselves. Had I judged any of my previous clients then I would have done them a terrible disservice. Who am I to judge them? What right does any person have to judge anyone else, whether they are a social worker or not? People have no right to judge others because every single person in this world has made a mistake and everyone struggles at some point in their lives. Me, personally, I had a rough adolescence. My early experiences with grief made me feel like I was living in a black hole and I could not see my way out for a few years. I put my trust in the wrong people. I made too many mistakes for me to count. I did not trust myself. I listened when I should have ignored. I acted when I should have refrained from action. I suffered. I also watched loved ones suffer, and I suffered with them. I experienced an identity crisis that many teenagers experience and this had its consequences. I know what it feels like to have my face hit the bottom of rock bottom as a youth. Should I be judged for the adolescent I was? For many years after I did judge myself until I learned about what it really means to be a social worker. I do not think it is right to judge me for who I was, especially since those experiences made me a social worker who practiced, educates, researches, and writes without judgement. Every single worst that I experienced provided me with information to service those in need and made me a better educator. I have first-hand knowledge instead of second-hand information, which is more valuable to me than the most precious gem. Recently, in my attempts to aide others I have shared some of my personal struggles, again as a youth who struggled and not an adult. As a grown woman, I have completely dedicated myself to the social work profession- its values, goals, approaches, beliefs, and care for the well-being of all members of society. I received a backlash of judgement for sharing my experiences and I feel that this is unacceptable. Not simply because it is unwarranted, but more because it is wrong. Name one human being that has not made a mistake. Better yet, name one human being that has not made a series of mistakes. I know no one that fits that description. Judgement is dangerous and often it becomes a form of stigma. To judge is to dictate what is right or wrong for another person. Each one of us has had individual growing pains, and oftentimes we grow strong through struggles. Think of the many performers, like Robin Williams, who died because they did not want to experience judgement for having problems. Or what about neighbors in our communities who commits suicide? It happens in every community. We all have problems and to judge or stigmatize another, forces secrecy and that is not healthy. Instead, I believe we should not judge and we should encourage people to own who they are, including mistakes and issues, and then seek out help when it is necessary. What is the point of judgement? It is simply a way to put another person down so you feel better about yourself. I have a picture on my office door that says, “Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up.” When we admit that we all make mistakes, and that we all have problems, and that we all go through hard times it normalizes bad experiences for everyone. It makes services accessible because then people will actually use them without fear of judgement. I used to struggle with trauma and I got help. What used to be nightmares are now points of empowerment where I defend myself. I no longer have nightmares and this is because of the assistance I have received from professionals. I have anxiety and panic d/o so I continue to see professionals in order to cope better, and they are so helpful. I am not ashamed to say I need and use help. Actually, I hope this blog encourages the people reading it to refrain from judgement of anyone. I hope people who feel judged realize that judgement outside of a courtroom is wrong. I hope people who need help, but are afraid, change their minds and seek out help without fear of judgement. I can only speak for social workers, but I know that us a group employs a strengths-based approach to empowering people to overcome obstacles. I hope people stop judging themselves for their past or present, and instead hope and work toward a better tomorrow. I believe people are inherently good. I believe in people. I believe that everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and worth regardless of anything. I believe in multiple chances, except when it comes to my heart. I believe in my heart’s work, which is to amplify the goodness in people, fight injustice, and promote social integration along with equality. What I do not believe in is judgement. What right do I have to judge you? What right do you have to judge me? What right does anyone have to judge any other living being? None. No one has the right to judge. ‘Let you who has never sinned throw the first stone.’ Not a single one us can throw a stone. Not a single one of us should judge others.
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In honor of my cousin Brian
Admittedly, this blog is difficult for me to write so I’ve been avoiding it, although it should have taken precedence. My cousin, Brian, is a heroin addict living in recovery. I am not ashamed of my cousin, quite the contrary, I am proud of and inspired by him. My challenges with writing this blog center on re-living the emotional heartache I experienced during the times he was actively addicted. It was just a very sad time of my life in and of itself. Thankfully my cousin exudes strength and is in recovery; however, his addiction is something he must confront daily. Let me start by talking about my dear cousin. Picture an adult-sized teddy bear come to life- that’s my cousin. There’s a sweet softness in his nature that is deeply hidden since he typically portrays himself and is believed to be the tough guy. That soft side is now more evident, if you pay attention, since he has become a husband and father. You see it every time he picks up one of his children or sits with his wife when she gets ill due to many health problems. That softness, derived from his ability to care and accept all without judgement, makes him that familiar teddy bear, ready to provide comfort when needed. Brian’s birthday is the day before mine and we would always celebrate together. He kindly never made an issue about the fact that I ruined his fourth birthday party when my mom went into labor. It is actually something special that our birthdays are so close together. My first unofficial job was walking around our neighborhood with him delivering newspapers. A joker in nature, he would make me laugh. His laugh is more like a chuckle that pokes at you to laugh with him. People would confuse us constantly as twins. We resemble each other more so than we do our actual siblings. We always treated each other as siblings too: Brian, my sister, and Brian’s brother. This was largely in part because the majority of our family lives in Italy, so all we had growing up was each other. One of his mottos was “don’t mess with my cousin or I’m going to mess with you” and typically when he was around, people would leave me alone. He was always there to give me advice and it was very apparent that he wanted to protect me. Who is to say what happened exactly or why, but at a young age my cousin got involved in using and selling drugs, mostly marijuana and then coke as he grew older. He dropped out of high school a few days before my sister’s wedding, one of the only times in our whole lives that family from Italy made the trip to visit us in Pittsburgh. He was pulled into the drug culture, and shared with me that being viewed as “cool” and that fast cash were definite motivators to get involved and further his engagement with drugs. Things went from bad to terrifying when I was an undergraduate student. He went from using cocaine to abusing heroin. It was as if my cousin disappeared. He was there physically, but inside he was unreachable. A sort of sad and distracted emptiness resided within. Even his physical form rapidly deteriorated- he went from being a roly-poly teddy bear to an eye-dazed skeleton. He lived in his car and robbed convenient stores, unarmed, in Oakland. I was actually employed at one of those stores and blamed myself for informing him that the cameras were fake. He eventually got caught, was sentenced to three years in prison, three years parole, and three years of probation. All of which, he successfully completed. His stint in prison was transformative. He started his recovery process and obtained his GED. He was released, got married, has two kids, and is now steadily employed as a union worker. Although finding employment and housing was very much a challenge at one point. He still attends meetings and works at his recovery. His prison time also metamorphosed me through some soul-searching. I started asking “WHY?!?” about so many things and not only needed, but required an answer. My answer was social work. Ever since the day social work answered me, I have been fully committed to my profession and am a better social worker because of Brian. My cousin’s experience was very formative in both my decision to be and my development as a social worker. I brought with me an understanding on how to relate and treat others in a non-judgmental manner because of him. He taught me the power of self-determination. He made the choice to overcome his addiction; not a single human being can take credit for his profound transformation. He taught me that life hurts sometimes, but these instances are temporary, and also opportunities to grab onto and manifest more strength. He magnified the impact of adversity and also instilled within me a desire to make society better by helping people in need. He forced me to think even more critically about stigma and the disillusionment it causes. There is nothing, not one thing wrong with my cousin; how society has treated him is wrong, simply because he has an addiction, actually a disease, which led him to prison. My cousin is wonderful as a matter of fact and I love him very much. He gave me the greatest gift of all by nudging me towards social work. Social work, this magnificent discovery, gave me my profession, my soul’s purpose, my niche, a written code of ethics that embodies who I am as a person, and truly one of the only things in life that makes absolute sense to me. The people (professors, professionals, clients, and now students) I have encountered throughout my years as a social worker rejuvenate me repeatedly. My cousin, Brian, has indirectly through me, impacted the lives of so many people in such a positive way because of his journey. For example, I have warned adolescents about the nature of heroin addiction. I have given hope by telling his story. I have treated people having addiction issues with dignity and worth, knowing that there’s nothing wrong with them, just like my cousin. I emphasize the power of self-determination to students. I respect self-determination in my own practice as a social worker. I write and in the future will conduct research to ignite societal change. Brian truly deserves to be honored because as he said, “85% of people that go to prison end up back in prison. I’m one of the 15% that didn’t go back”. I honor him too because he gifted me with my life’s purpose and taught me how to be an effective social worker. Brian is now helping people directly though his blog post. Brian shared his thoughts about addiction and how society can change to help people both actively addicted and living in recovery. Brian had these things to say:
Based on my conversations with Brian, I decided to make a few phone calls and gather more information about rehabs in Athens, GA and one in Pittsburgh, PA. In Athens, only one facility accepts Medicaid or Medicare. This facility is also the only one that accepts people without insurance. Typically the wait list is long and reaching them on the phone was impossible. It was through a privately-funded outpatient center in Athens did I even find out that only one provider accepts Medicaid/Medicare/fee-for-service. They told me to go there and show up at this facility if I wanted to speak with someone. This private treatment center also shared with me the cost of their own treatment. Although this facility only provides outpatient services, the cost of treatment ranges from $4,000-$7,000 per week depending upon the needs of the consumer. A sober living agency that provides no treatment whatsoever shared that to enter their program you must pay $770 up front and then $160 per week to stay there. As I was unable to reach the one provider that does accept Medicaid/Medicare/fee-for-service, I can’t actually speak to their treatment cost. I got similar information from an organization in Pittsburgh about cost, but was informed that many facilities in Pittsburgh accept Medicaid/Medicare. This provider also shared that rehabs throughout Pittsburgh will accept a person without insurance so long as they apply for Medicaid beforehand. County funds are used across the state to pay until Medicaid benefits start. However, admission to rehab and its associated delays is contingent upon what type of health insurance or lack thereof one has. Wait lists range typically from a few days to a couple of weeks. Sometimes those with insurance end up paying a great deal of money and aren’t admitted immediately to the inpatient center because of their insurance. The range in cost is widely dependent on the type of insurance. Out-of-pocket costs to attend this treatment facility are $4,760 for a week of detox, $3, 892 for a week of rehab, and $15, 568 for a full month of rehabilitation. Looking at these numbers, reminds me of what my cousin Brian said “it’s cheaper to use than it is to get help”. Those of you reading, what do you think needs to change to help people actively addicted, living in recovery, and also their family members? My cousin Brian made better suggestions about what needs to change than I could think of myself. The only thing I can think of adding is making sure that we honor people living with addiction. In my own life, I would like to use this blog to honor my cousin Brian. I also want to thank him for being who he is and helping me find social work. Thank you Brian! |
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