In life, challenges arise. Driving long distance for me has been a challenge, since I attempted a drive home to Pittsburgh from Georgia right before my comprehensive exam. This was the first time I ever experienced a panic attack. I felt dizzy and as if I was having a heart attack, while I was on the highway. I immediately got off at the next exit in North Carolina, slept in a dirty hotel with my dog, and then awoke to another driving challenge. I made it to West Virginia, where I had another panic attack; my elderly parents had to pick me up in the middle of long and winding mountains. Shortly thereafter, I found out I had scabies while preparing to write my comps. To say that this particular time in my life was challenging, is an understatement. I fought off parasites, got rid of them, taught undergrads, practiced social work, and wrote 60 pages in 30 days.
On Wednesday, after teaching a freshman course and seeing clients the rest of the day, I drove to Columbus for our annual Ohio chapter NASW conference. I used every coping skill I could think of to drive on the highway to Columbus. Not only does driving long distance trigger panic attacks, it also reminds me of getting scabies. I faced and conquered this driving challenge, keeping in mind how much I truly love working for Cleveland State University. I knew I had to control my anxiety, so I could tell others about all the great things we do at our School of Social Work. I am soon to face another challenge that scares me as much as driving long distance. The nature of this challenge is only relevant to me, but the lessons are significant to all. Let me reiterate, only the lessons are significant. To prepare, I have focused on why facing this challenge is important. It is so important because of my mom. My mother, Maria, taught me how to love. She is relentless in how she loves. This challenge is important because of love, and anything can be conquered for love. So now I know the why, I need to figure out how. In order to do this I need a strategic plan. I should read some of my old favorite books. I need to sing my songs, the ones where my voice is entirely in tune with the melody and my soul sings for me. I I need to review old papers I wrote. I need to write and edit and write some more. I need to write. I need to listen to music I need printed pictures of my pets. I need winter accessories. I need to be okay with letting my dragon out (Thanks Pam for showing me how). I need to set reminders in phone to connect with friend families on important days (Leslie thanks for forgiving me). I need to have espresso with my zia. I need to talk to my mom at minimum seven times per day, instead of two or three. I need to play and be around family more. I need to say thank you to my dad every day. I need to stop worrying. I need to listen. I need to talk less. I need to focus on the positives in my life. I need therapy. I need to believe in myself more. I need to return to church. I need to believe in Love. I need to pray. While I was writing my dissertation, I planted several rose bushes. We had a drought in the South that same year. The roses faced a life-or-death challenge. One of my former neighbors (I miss you all) sent me a picture of them. They overcame and grew freely, wildly, expanding and reaching for it all. I think we all have a lot to learn from roses.
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