This is the first time I’ve written in weeks. I don’t remember experiencing a time when writing felt like an enemy. The truth will set you free. Right now, my truth is I am in the worst physical health I’ve ever been in; what is ill is my dearest sense of self. I keep saying I don’t know how Sidney Crosby does it with so many concussions. I am having so much trouble with just this one concussion. I don’t know how he or other athletes continuously persist, despite of permanent danger, horrible sickness, a head that aches as if it’s consuming every bad thought that existed within.
I can say losing my physical health has taught me to value and cherish my mental health. I know it took me 35 years to become, accept, and love me…or not so scientifically speaking- to love the brain that decides my every move. It makes me care, absorb acts, analyze, practice courage, research, enact self-less ambition, and live in a happy humorous manner. My brain developed into intelligence, faith, hope, imagination, culture, mental maps and graphs of what I need to be me. All of it is determined by my dear dear mind and it is that same mind that makes me now have a speech impediment, instigates nausea, and givse me a pounding headache. I am literally without balance or a fully functioning physical body. I’m angry at myself for abusing it or me. I became more acquainted with my mind through missing parts, and I feel severe. I feel severe in many ways, but mostly my selfishness through complaint of my own illness, without considering the aliments of others. I am severe with an unfair socially-constructed system that is stratified, by who knows what. For some reason, people are paid millions to be exposed to violence in sports games. Then there are others, who get sick for no reason and have little to no money for expensive medical costs. Why are we so extremely separated from others, and most importantly ourselves as we exist through each other. Maybe this is scientific thought or maybe not; however, I know that we are all made of the same particles found on the periodic table of elements. If we break who we are down into particles, then we should all be the same, simple stardust particles. The harsh reality is that we are not. This is not a natural occurrence, but a direct consequence of people who vibrate unfair social constructs to intentionally damage others. I am admittedly disappointed with the Game of Thrones’ season 8 writers. I think what burned was a perpetuation of ideals by Dany, which was demolished through an act of love and fury. This would have been a much story line through character development and one bad writer's decision to have her soul friend executed. Thank you for ruining GOT. I want an equal and interesting world without seeing anyone or anything burn. I have become much more acquainted with a beautiful mind through the lessons I have learned,and not what I miss. Luckily, I am writing the story of my life and not simpleton writers, who minimized the complexity of the last 7 seasons. Sorry I am a little mad at the GOT ending and that goes without saying. When I was healthy, besides my own parents, I would only say quick prayers for those who are ill at night. I realize today how wrong it is to be so self consumed. I honestly want the best lesson I learn from my concussion to be this: Give every single last person consideration, send them not only prayers, but love and hope. Thank you to all of my doctors at Metrohealth who made me well enough to finish this blog. I think we can look to my doctors as role-models. They are people who make the effort to consider, care, and heal us. I want to be better at doing what they do everyday.
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