I do not know why I am so hard on myself, and especially who I was as a young adult. Too often, I have judged, blamed, criticized, and even hated a younger version of me. It is hard for me to understand, as a healthy adult how I could be so unhealthy before the age of 23.
I am really harsh with me and would never even think this horribly about another human being other than me. I really hated my life before I found social work. I blamed myself profusely for every blessed and damned thing that happened to me. That is a lot of blame for one person to carry. At this point in my life, instead of blaming or hating young me I choose to honor her. I was a sweet soul, filled with life and curiosity. I was boundless and free. Admittedly, at one point I started to crumble. We all have our emotional limits, and the experience of grief caused me to surpass all of mine. I felt skinless and exposed to pain constantly, but my sweet soul persisted. I enjoyed the best moments fully, breathed fresh spring air, roamed mentally and physically, and worried less. Many mistakes made me learn how to be a competent social worker and healthy human being. I became a doctor, consumed in academic social work pursuits…my thickest layer of skin. “If you don’t deal with it, it kills you little by little”- I am not sorry that I messed up a lot as a young adult. I learned how to deal with some of the worst parts of life at a young age. I maintained thirst for knowledge as my saving grace. I could relate sincerely to clients’ pain throughout all my years of practice. I am genuine and honest. I am me because you, little me, who hurt….healed. Honor, and I honor you who became me. I honor we. Honor Thyself.
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